Insurgents Announce 'Insurge' -- From the Borowitz Report
Response to Bush’s Surge, Experts Believe

Moments after President George W. Bush appeared on national television to announce a surge of additional troops into Baghdad, a leader of the Iraqi insurgents appeared on the Arabic-language Al-Jazeera network to announce an “insurge” of additional insurgents into the Iraqi capital.

Hassad el-Medfaii, a prominent member of the insurgents’ leadership, said that sending an “insurge” of insurgents into Baghdad was part of a larger strategy for the insurgency which he called “a new way downward.”

“We are determined to secure chaos in Iraq, even if it means putting more sandals on the ground,” Mr. el-Medfaii said.

Mr. el-Medfaii said that he was “not concerned” about recruiting new terrorists to make the “insurge” possible: “Those videos of Saddam’s hanging have pretty much done it for us.”

But moments after Mr. el-Medfaii announced the insurgents’ plan for an “insurge,” White House spokesman Tony Snow blasted the strategy, calling the plan “unoriginal and derivative.”

“It’s clear to me that the insurgents only announced their ‘insurge’ because they knew we were planning to announce a ‘surge,’” Mr. Snow said. “In addition to being terrorists and madmen, the insurgents are showing themselves for what they really are: copycats.”

Mr. Snow said that in order to find enough troops to make the “surge” possible, the Army would focus its recruitment efforts on able-bodied men and women who have not watched the news in the last three years.

“That would also include people who have only watched Fox News,” Mr. Snow said.