Offers Congresswoman Lying Lessons
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich lashed out today at the current Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, calling the congresswoman unfit to be Speaker of the House "because she's not a good enough liar."
Mr. Gingrich, in an appearance on ABC's "Good Morning America," said that the ability to lie seamlessly is the most important qualification for the job of Speaker, adding, "I've been in the job and I should know."
The former Speaker issued the following ultimatum to Rep. Pelosi: "She needs to get better at lying, or step down."
Mr. Gingrich offered a brutal, blow-by-blow criticism of the House Speaker's lying technique, which he said consists of "pauses, ums and uhs, stuttering - all the hallmarks of an amateur."
In contrast, he said, "When I was in her chair my lying was as smooth as a baby's bottom."
He added that if Rep. Pelosi is serious about remaining in her position, he would be "more than willing" to give her lying lessons.
"Being a good liar requires practice," Mr. Gingrich said. "Fortunately for me, I had years of practice lying to my many wives."
Newt missed a bit, though. He forgot to mention hypocrisy.
Maybe he has conveniently forgotten the fact that he did exactly what Pelosi is doing now—to the FBI—while he was Speaker. Or the fact that, while he was calling for the impeachment of Clinton, he was having an affair with one of his aides.
You can subscribe and get your very own, free, Borowitz Report delivered daily to your emailbox here.