January 19, 2007

Bush’s Pants Spontaneously Combust -- by Andy Borowitz

President’s Pants on Fire during ‘60 Minutes’ Interview

President George W. Bush narrowly escaped serious injury [Sunday] night when his pants spontaneously burst into flame during an interview on CBS’ “60 Minutes.”

Millions of Americans who tuned into the CBS news program to hear the president explain his rationale behind sending more troops to Iraq instead witnessed a freakish incident of spontaneous combustion.

All seemed fine at the outset of the interview, with no hint of an impending inferno, but then Mr. Bush “opened his mouth,” according to one eyewitness.

As soon as the president began speaking, wisps of white smoke started to emanate from his pants region, and within seconds his trousers were fully ablaze.

As flames began to lick the president’s inner thigh, a stagehand could be heard in the background shouting, “Pants on fire! Pants on fire!”

The District of Columbia fire department arrived at the CBS studio minutes later and extinguished the President’s pants before the fire had a chance to spread to Andy Rooney.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) said that Mr. Bush’s penchant for setting his pants on fire may prevent him from making future State of the Union addresses to Congress, since his pants might be in violation of the House’s new ban on smoking.

But according to historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, the spontaneous combustion of Mr. Bush’s pants is not without precedent: “Donald Rumsfeld’s pants were on fire for the last six years.”

Elsewhere, the presidents of Iran and Venezuela announced that they are joining forces for future projects and that they are seeking the participation of the Riddler, the Penguin and the Joker.


TomCat said...

LOL! I almost posted that one too. Can we sue the tailor that made the pants for not making them in such a way that they would burn hotter? ;-)

two crows said...

hey, TC--
actually, I think I'd rather they just burn longer and be harder to douse.
that way, we have longer to stand around, pointing and chanting--
'liar, liar, pants on fire!
hangin from a telephone wire!'

Larry said...

Why can't some stories be true?

two crows said...

hey, Larry--
don't we wish!

come to think of it, I wish that compulsive liars did have some way of being marked--whether by their trousers going up in flames or their noses growing longer, or whatever.
then, our politicians would have to tell the truth. wouldn't that be a wonderful world?

TomCat said...

Could it be that the sign is a chimpy smirk?