Life University

Thanks to Mary Ellen, The Divine Democrat, who tagged me to do this "Real Life Curriculum" meme after she was tagged by dguzman of Impeachment and Other Dreams who was, in turn tagged by FranIam.

Okay, I'm supposed to "write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND -- and this is important-- ONE of them must come from your tagger's list.”
xxx
I've known since my undergrad days [hell, since junior high school] that schools aren't realistic in the classes they require.
I mean, how has knowing, at the age of 13, the primary export products of Ecuador [the legal ones, anyway] enhanced my life as a pshrink spanning the period from 14 to 47 years later? Is that a no-brainer or what?

So, my new school: Blind Leading the blind Eclectic Curriculum, Humbug University [BLECH U] will offer, for the coming semester, the following courses. HERE are hands-on classes you can really sink your teeth into:

THE ART OF THE MIXED METAPHOR [101]
[see above statement for a stunning example of the abilities you will graduate this class having acquired].
Keep your colleagues guessing about what you really mean after acquiring the skills offered here. Always a positive outcome if you're dealing with the White House Press Corps, most board meetings, staff meetings and even meetings around the water cooler. Always a crowd pleaser.
Requirement: Check your brain at the door and be ready to heave those rotting vegetables back at your audience.

UPPER BODY BUILDING FOR THE ENHANCEMENT OF HURLING VEGETABLES [202]
This course is recommended as a follow-up for the above-listed class but will, almost certainly, find other uses in your post-matriculation period, as well. Returning tear-gas grenades to the police during protests, hanging onto iron fence posts ditto and warding off billy club blows ditto-ditto spring to mind.

GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION YOU WANT [101]
The video below will act as course description and enactment of abilities graduates will acquire. [Note to the student: being male is helpful but women can, if willing to apply extra effort, learn the skills involved.]


THE REACQUISITION OF A SENSE OF HUMOR [ADVANCED STUDY]
The requirement for a passing grade is a demonstration of both short- and long-term memory loss.
During the final exam, the student will be given a PET Scan and tested for such terms as 9/11, [the alleged] Iraqi involvement in 9/11, the 'Iranian attempt to acquire a nuclear arsenal', the technical term 'nucular', the names of all presidential candidates, the names of all current members of the Federal Government including the Supreme Court Justices, commonly known terms including [but not limited to]: 'Intelligent Design', 'Swift Boating', 'Habeas Corpus', 'Gun Control', 'Faith Based Initiatives', 'WMDs', 'Litmus Test', etc. If any portion of the brain lights up during the course of the scan, the student will fail the class and must take it again.
Becoming proficient in this course [or at least graduating] may require taking the last course on the list.

And, last but certainly not least, the entry taken from Mary Ellen [hey! plagiarism is required in this school!]
I chose this course for purely personal reasons. Fact is, I never HAVE learned this skill to any great degree. As a result, I've been doomed to carry around a pipe during all the years I've availed myself of the medicinal qualities delivered by my herb of choice.

[Note to student: it may be a good idea, in fact, to enroll in this class first in order to make ALL the rest of them go more smoothly.]
HOW TO EFFECTIVELY ROLL A JOINT
Marijuana enthusiast's, this is your chance to acquire the fine art of rolling a joint like a professional! Rolling your own is a time honored way of smoking cannabis and this class will aid you to be the well-trained joint roller that you always wished to be! Don't let your government bring you down, when your President stands before the American people to lie about the state of the union, you will have the tools to withstand anything he says. BYOP (Bring your own pot) rolling papers and lighters will be supplied.
xxx
So, now I've got to tag some folks.
I don't know if there's a required number. So, since Mary Ellen tagged 3-- so will I.

1: Polishifter of Pissed on Politics
2: James Joiner of An Average American Patriot
3. Larry Sadler of Let's Talk and Let's Talk God

Please don't feel obligated to follow up if you don't want to.
And remember, I HAVE taken class # 2 above, so it's NOT a good idea to throw rotting vegetation at me! :)